Noob with ASUS EEE 1000HA

I'm trying to install OS X (prefer Snow Leopard) on my new EEE, and I'm getting pretty frusterated and don't know where else to turn. Hopefully you guys can help.

Stuff I've Tried:

• Using various bootloader utilities with a stock Snow Leopard install disk (NetbookBootMaker, EmpireEFI, EEEBoot, EEEPC_Boot132). None worked, usually the thing just stalls on "boot: testing" or skips and boots into XP (currently on my other partition).
• Using the Lifehacker-acclaimed EP45UD3P utility in combination with a stock Snow Leopard disk
• Using iDeneb 1.3 1.5.5 and iPC 1.5.6 instead of the Snow Leopard disk

NOTHING HAS WORKED. The closest I have gotten to getting to the (Snow) Leopard install screen is a kernel panic after booting from the EP45UD3P'd Snow Leopard disk, saying that I have an incompatible processor family.

I tried the "-x -v -s cpus=1" tag at boot:, but that made no difference. It should be noted that it's a hit or miss if I can even enter that command in at all - sometimes the enter button doesn't work in the prompt. Makes me question if the command really is going through, though the fact that the most recent time I tried did do verbose + safe mode kinda supports it.

What do I do?! Any and all help would be appreciated - I've looked at will1384's guide for the 1000HE, and a couple of assorted guides from the 1000 and the 1000H or something like that. No dice :'(

Thanks for your time.