everything is up-to-date... no iPhone updates gone untouched?

Have you watched your Console while doing this for anything going wrong with iTunes or with the network?

no i havent watched console, i will try that. yep all the latest 2.2 firmware and everything, i will see what my console says and get back to you :)

well I'm not too hopeful that it will provide an answer, but I figured if something jumped out at us that would make it easier to diagnose.

Have you EVER been able to connect to this iTunes via your iPhone?

nothing turns up in console when i try to connect, even when i try to connect with AirSharing nothing turns up in my console, other then when i find it with the computer.

only with XP never tried with OS X other then remote, i can connect via USB cable

Right now I've got mine connected to iTunes controlling my music and I'm also using the Network Utility found in the Utilities folder and using Netstat and Port Scan...

I guess the reason I'm having you do this is to find the limit to the network usage between the two devices... keep trying that.

My wife is calling me upstairs ;) Gotta go. I'll check in tomorrow.

alright, well i dont really know what i should be looking for, so i will wait until tommorow and you can help me some more :)

nfoav8or! im back from school lol can you tell me what i should be looking for and searching for with this network utility or if you know any other method i can use to troubleshoot can you please explain?

cheers bro, you have helped me so much!